Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Squeaky Wheel Gets The Gift Certificate (Or, "In Praise of Spanky's BBQ and The Onion.")

Well, it's official- I am my grandmother's grandson (Irene Zenker (1908-2004)). I learned from her that when a company screws up, you should tell them. Over the years, I've done just that, but as I never got the results Grandmom did, I became increasingly convinced of the decline in customer service in this country. It's so rare to actually get results, I feel compelled to praise the businesses that actually take the time to care. Thus, thank you, The Onion, and especially, thank you, Spanky's BBQ.

You see, a couple of weeks ago, the satirical newspaper The Onion co-sponsored and heavily promoted an event with Spanky's BBQ, a restaurant in New York that serves, well, barbecue. In an event cleverly called the "Pig Fest," Spanky's would, for two hours only (7:00-9:00 PM), serve half-priced beers. No big deal, that- a lot of restaurants and bars routinely have specials like that. But the hook was that, in addition to the cheap beer, there would be a whole roast suckling pig, and free pork and sides to anyone who RSVP'd. With all due respect to my Kosher, Muslim, and vegetarian/vegan friends (not to mention my fellow lovers of "Babe" and "Charlotte's Web"), the prospect of free pork was too good to pass up. A couple of bucks for a beer would get me and a friend a free dinner for the night. Based on my impression of New York restaurant prices, that's a savings of, I think, $134,000 (give or take a buck.)

So, of course, I RSVP'd, and, of course, easily convinced one of my more carnivorous friends to join me. We arrived at about 8:10- not early, but not late, either. We checked in with the smiling (and cute) girl who had been employed by the Onion for the event, and were directed to the bar to buy our drinks. The harried (but presumably happily compensated) bartenders got our drinks, and we sidled over to the pork table... which was empty. Well, not entirely empty. One sad dinner roll remained. Though my friend and I were, at this point, ravenous, neither of us wanted to look like shnorrers (a fine old Yiddish word- look it up), so we left the roll and walked back to the bartenders. "When will you be bringing out more pork?" we asked. "Oh," he replied, "they've wrapped up for the night."

This was annoying on several levels- for one thing, the event was advertised as going until 9, and the clear teaser for the event was the food. The food had "wrapped up," I learned, at least an hour early. More importantly, when we signed in, we were not informed that there was to be no more food- we were just sent to the bar to spend money, which the bartenders took without any warning that there would be no pork to accompany our Coronas.

So, that night, I did what my grandmother taught me- I wrote a letter (though Grandmom would have written it by hand and paid for a stamp- I just used the miraculous modern convenience of e-mail.) Fully expecting never to hear from anyone, I sent this note, which I feel was "light" enough that it wouldn't seem the work of a crank, but serious enough to get the point across- you be the judge (note, the letter has been edited for brevity, but no significant content has changed):

"To Whom It May Concern:
Having left the Spanky's event a half-hour ago, I thought I'd pass along three tips in the spirit of bonhomie and neighborliness:

Tip One: When you've heavily advertised an event as taking place between 7:00 PM and 9:00 PM, and the main draw of the event is free food, it's preferable that the food actually be available until nearly 9:00, rather than being "wrapped up" (bartender's words) sometime before 8:15.

Tip Two: On those unfortunate occasions when an event has effectively ended early it's preferable that the check-in person let attendees know that it's ended, instead of sending them to buy drinks.

Tip Three: It's preferable that the sponsors pass Tip Two along to the bartenders- in other words, it's nice when the bartenders tell patrons that the food is gone BEFORE taking their money.

I don't mean to sound cheap (though I am) or unreasonable. If I'd arrived at, say, 8:55 rather than 8:15, I'd accept that the fault was mine. But, as you know, there are numerous events going on in New York on any given night. I had a choice between your event and going to Penang to see a friend's band perform, for example. If the value-added-incentive meant to pull people to your event and away from others doesn't actually exist as advertised, goodwill can be lost. Certainly, if the idea was to bring new customers to Spanky's, the restaurant's done nothing to make me want to take my friends there.

Next time I attend an Onion event, I hope for better.

Sincerely,
Christopher Stansfield"


Not bad, right? Pretty eloquent, and reasonably self-deprecating (I do, after all, admit that I'm cheap.) I didn't threaten or cajole, just stated a few facts. I emailed the letter to the Onion and CC'd it to Spanky's, and there I thought it would die.

Until the very next day, when I received the following response from the Onion (again edited so as not to reveal details of the newspaper/sponsor relationship that were divulged):

"Hi Chris,
Thanks for your note and I apologize for your frustration last night. Your points are valid.... (DETAILS WITHHELD)
In any case, we really should have said, "While supplies last" in the e-mail and we certainly should have cut things off more quickly once we realized the food had run out. Neither The Onion nor the restaurant realized the type of turnout we would have....
Thanks again for coming out and we'll do our best to ensure a better party next time around.
(NAME WITHHELD)"


Wow. That was pretty impressive, especially since it arrived early in the day. That implied to me that the letter was given some priority, and that the Onion, well, cares. So I wrote back:

"Dear (NAME WITHHELD),
I appreciate your quick, polite response to my email, as well as the apology...(DETAILS WITHHELD) it's to your credit (and the Onion's) that you responded at all- that's much more than many other businesses would do under the circumstances. Better luck next time!
Sincerely,
Chris Stansfield"


Note, by the way, that I'm downright chummy with the Onion staffer at this point- I'm no longer "Christopher Stansfield," but rather, "Chris." Again, I thought this would be the end of things, and I was actually pretty satisfied. But then, a few days later, I received another email- this time from Spanky's (presumably an employee, and not "Spanky," himself):

"Dear Christopher,first of all please let me apologize for your unfortunate experience at the pig fest. On behalf of Spankys bbq I would like to invite you and a guest in for lunch or for dinner. I am mailing a fifty dollar gift certificate to (MY ADDRESS WITHHELD, EVEN THOUGH I'M LISTED).Please call me if you would like to get in touch. Robert Protter (PHONE NUMBER WITHHELD)."


Holy Toledo! That's a hell of a response! After all, I wasn't really "entitled" to anything more than an apology, but now I have fifty bucks to spend on meat, alcohol, or whatever- and I checked out the menu- I can actually use the gift certificate for two full meals and not have to dig into my own wallet. I haven't redeemed the coupons yet (if anyone wants to join me, send me a note and I'll choose the wittiest and most eloquent friend to be my date.)

So, what have I learned from this experience?

One: Grandmom was right- sometimes it pays to be a cranky consumer.
Two: The Onion is awesome.
Three: Spanky's BBQ is also awesome.

Perhaps you, the reader, have learned something as well- next time you feel screwed by a business, take the five minutes to (humorously (or if you can't do humorous, politely)) let the business know. It works better than bitching to me about it over the phone. Or over coffee. Or in a bar. Or anywhere, for that matter. In other words, stop bitching to me, I have my own problems.

And, more importantly- go eat at Spanky's!

© 2007, Christopher Stansfield. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed to the public under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License, and may only be distributed according to the terms of said license. To view a copy of this license, please click here.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

What's going on with Jon Stewart?

Has anybody else noticed that in the couple of days since Jon's masterful interview of John Bolton (in which we saw that a basic cable comedian has a better grasp of the Constitution and democratic theory than the man we sent to represent us in the United Nations), The Daily Show has, well, sucked? I know it's only been a few days, but here's how the week wrapped up:

The day after the Bolton interview, a good chunk of time was given over to a phone interview with Doris Kearns Goodwin (who is almost always a welcome presence), during which the bulk of the conversation consisted of Doris reaffirming that Jon Stewart is smarter than John Bolton. Sure, it's true, but is it really necessary? Couldn't the time have been better used commenting on the news of the day rather than defending something that needed no defense? The liberals who watch the show already figured out that John Bolton really IS a douchebag after all, and that Jon Stewart tore him apart in a dignified and polite manner- quite a mean feat. The conservatives aren't going to have their minds changed. So, like I said- why waste the time doing a public victory dance?

The rest of the episode featured a truly bizarre interview with Chris Hansen of "To Catch a Predator." We get it- molestation is bad- but how about mentioning the sensational and salacious ratings-grabbing manner in which "To Catch a Predator" goes about its work? Or mentioning that children still face far more danger from people they know than they do from Internet weirdos? What about some indication that Jon realizes Chris Hansen comes across as more smarmy than the predators he's "catching?" (Even "The Soup" on E!, a network not noted for its penetrating social commentary, has picked up on this last fact.) Instead of asking one single insightful question about the very real issues of due process and civil liberties raised by the series (which is largely founded on the extra-legal efforts of a vigilante group), Jon lobbed softballs and basically fawned over the guy like a panicked father (which is, I guess, what Stewart is.)

Incidentally, my old friend, Legal Aid attorney Shana Skaletsky, wrote a very good blog essay about "To Catch a Predator" that raises all the questions Jon Stewart didn't. Check it (and a brief bit of added commentary from yours truly) out here: http://shanaelyse.blogs.friendster.com/potpourri_/2007/03/to_catch_a_what.html)

Finally, the last episode of the week discussed only one piece of actual "new" news- the utterly absurd (and frankly, rude) treatment that Al Gore received at the hands of Senator Jim Inhofe (R-Oklahoma) during a hearing on climate change. Rather than take a moment to skewer Inhofe (the last man on Earth who still pretends he doesn't believe in global warming), Stewart instead focused on the fact that Gore has gained weight and implied the same thing Bill O'Reilly and his ilk do- that Al's just an egotistical blowhard. You know, it's possible to make jokes that actually reveal things to people they don't already know from the news: the Daily Show used to be expert at it, and Keith Olbermann is doing a great job of it on MSNBC.

So, what's the deal? After the Bolton interview, was there pressure from within or without to be more "fair and balanced" in the show's attacks? Is there an exchange rate in place? (For every joke about Tony Snow and Karl Rove there has to be one about Hillary Clinton or Al Gore?) Or is Jon just off his feed?

© 2007, Christopher Stansfield. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed to the public under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License, and may only be distributed according to the terms of said license. To view a copy of this license, please click here.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

AIDS Walk 2007

Friends,
I know a lot of you don't have a great deal of money to throw around (I'm right there with you.) But, I really feel that the AIDS Crisis is too big to be fought only by the well-off. That is why I'm walking this year, and that is why I hope that you will pledge any small amount of money you can to me and, by extension, to the organizations and people who benefit from the money raised.

I'd be willing to bet that all of you know at least one person who has been infected with HIV/AIDS...some of you may be infected yourselves; you may have felt the nervousness and anticipation that comes from being tested, the panic that comes when you weren't as careful as you usually are, just that once; you may know the whirlwind of emotions that comes when someone you love tells you he or she has an incurable illness.

We live in a wonderful time, because progress has been made and continues to be made: Some studies estimate that newly-infected people can live for thirty years or more after infection. But the medicine is expensive, it can carry terrible side effects, and it does not work for everyone. There is no way to lead a totally "normal" life with HIV. If it isn't the medication, it's the constant need to monitor one's health. If it isn't the financial cost, it's the psychic cost: a fear every time you make a new friend or make a new date. All one has to do to understand that particular burden is to go to any number of dating sites where prospective mates say loudly and rudely and without the slightest bit of compassion or self-awareness, "Negative only."

Every day more progress is made. More medicines are developed, vaccines are tested, and even when they fail, they give researchers new leads to follow. But this can only continue if we all do what we can. Those people who don't have the means to take care of themselves can only be taken care of if we all do what we can. This crisis can only end IF WE ALL DO WHAT WE CAN.

So, help me do what I can. Or make a donation to another walker, or a donation directly to the AIDS Walk site. Walk yourself. Form a team. Volunteer on the day of the walk and in the days leading up to it. This isn't about my ego- that's why I've set a relatively low "goal." This is about the people around you. DO WHAT YOU CAN.
You can donate at my page: http://aidswalknewyork2007.kintera.org/chrisstansfield
Thank you.
Love,
Chris

© 2007, Christopher Stansfield. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed to the public under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License, and may only be distributed according to the terms of said license. To view a copy of this license, please click here.